i know we have had a tumultuous past and our relationship hasn’t always been the friendliest (to be honest you scare the bejesus out of me and i think you’re kinda weird), but given that we are getting towards crunch time i was hoping we could put all of that behind us and you could still consider me for a spot on the nice list. here are the reasons why…
1. firstly, i rescued mum’s lady-gaga-inspired telephone bag from certain doom. let’s be blunt here – dad HATES this bag. always has. always will. I, on the other hand, appreciate mum’s quirky and offbeat fashion sense. so when, after four years of listening to dad complain about how ugly the bag was and how he couldn’t bear to be seen with her carrying it, she decided to put it in the good samaritans pile i just had to rescue that thing. like the speedy stealth machine i am, i snuck in and took the bag. the next thing anyone knew I was carrying it around like it was the best thing ever and no dad with half a heart would have taken that thing off me – i even made dad let me carry it to the shops. you can thank me later mum; although, come to think of it, that was a couple of weeks ago and the bag has been suspiciously MIA since…
2. secondly, i am kind to all creatures great and small. i love Alfie. I love him in the morning. I love him during the day. I love him in the evening. I love feeding him my dinner (and my breakfast and lunch and snacks). I love going for walks with him. I love throwing the ball for him at the park. I love telling him to ‘sit’ and ‘stop’. I love chasing him around the house. I love it when he chases me around the house. I love squirting him with the hose. I love wrestling with him. I love cuddling him even though he always runs away when I try. I love practising hockey with him. I just love him so much – cue crazy
cat lady dog baby references.
and I guess the other animals aren’t so bad either.
3. i am always willing to take one for the team and go to all-you-can-eat wings night with dad. wings are not the easiest thing for me to eat. I mean, I would gladly eat tomatoes, cheese, scrambled eggs and Oreos all day, but wings are a challenge for a little tacker. nevertheless, to save dad from the shame of dining alone, I played along. this may have also had something to do with the awesome crocodile drink bottle dad bribed me with, but that’s is a story for another day.
4. and finally, bubbles. I really needn’t say any more than that. bubbles just make everyone happy and I am taking every opportunity possible to make mum make everyone happy. I make her blow bubbles at Christmas pastries. I make her blow bubbles at the Christmas pageant. I make her blow bubbles at Playgroup. I make her blow bubbles at home just for me. actually, where are those bubbles, I need just a little hit to get me through the rest of the day…
so santa, as you can see, I have been a saint and deserve to be spoilt. dad has been talking about getting me a mini Audi Spyder for Christmas, but I say why stop at a mini one? I have clearly been so good that I deserve the real thing, so be good chap santa and get me one will you? i can make mum blow you some bubbles if you want?
ps. the truce is off come midnight 26 December 2013. Bring it!!!