today was by far the hardest day of my life so far. today was the day I buried my beautiful mother.
for nine months she battled and fought against an insidious disease which slowly poisoned her blood and destroyed her body. it must have broken her heart these past six weeks to sit by and watch her sweet baby granddaughters come into the world and to not be able to be the hands on grandmother she wanted to be. when thatcher was born, she was right there with me the whole time. when I came home from hospital, there she was looking after us and cuddling him every minute of every day. and i know that that is what she wanted to do for izzy and marlow, but she just couldn’t; her body failed her and she hated it.
mum lived for her family. we were the centre of her universe and she was there for us whenever we needed her, no matter the time of day (or night) or the size of the problem at hand. for this, you were and will always be loved by many. i promise that you will always be a strong presence in the lives of my children and I just hope that I can be as good of a mother as you were.
as hard as today was for all of us i know that you left us in the best way you possibly could have – quickly, quietly and peacefully in bed next to the love of your life. you left the world with the same dignity and grace with which you lived your life and for that i am grateful.
your passing shocked me and i made rod repeat himself three times before i would let myself believe that you were actually gone; i mean, i’d only seen you the night before! i will always treasure that last night i spent with you and especially the way thatcher took himself up to see you in bed before we left to give you a kiss and gently wish you ‘night night Nanni’ and then the way as he left your room he turned back towards the door and said ‘i love you Nanni. i love you Nanni.’ (one of these days I will actually be able to get through that story without bursting into tears).
you were a very very special woman and will be missed by many.
so mum, in your honour, after complaining that you made us the same chocolate cake in our school lunches everyday for twelve years, when it came to catering for today there was only one thing all four of us kids wanted – your boiled chocolate cake. mine definitely wasn’t as good as yours and I don’t think it ever will be, but with at least twelve years of practice ahead of me, making it for thatch and marlow’s school lunches, hopefully one day i’ll get close.
i love you mummy. i pray that now you are no longer burdened by your body and are free to do everything you want to. and don’t worry, we will look after dad for you. xx