tonight thatch had a hard time going to bed; he had a hard time winding down and he had a hard time falling asleep. when i realised that the only way i was going to get him to sleep was to lay down with him, i am ashamed to say i rolled my eyes a little bit, mentally grunted and thought ‘here we go… hopefully he falls asleep quickly’.
half an hour later he was still wriggling around, talking and just generally trying to get out of bed and i was still right there beside him, wishing he’d just hurry up and go to sleep already. but why was i in such a hurry to get out of there? was i that desperate to do the dishes or the washing or watch some (no doubt) terrible television show? the truth is i had nowhere else to be and he will only be little for such a short time. soon enough he won’t want me to lay beside him as he falls asleep. soon enough he won’t let me to stroke his head as he tries to wind down after an exciting day. soon enough he won’t want to hold my hand and gently rest his fist against my cheek as we talk about our day. soon enough he won’t need me at all.
so, for now, i’ll settle in next to him and hope it takes him forever to fall asleep.
sometime soon, i’m sure i will get on top of things and start catching up with my blogging, but in the meantime, here is a little snippet of the life and times of our little family over the past few weeks.
and yes, i do maybe have a little obsession with bow ties…
ps. please excuse the state of t’s face in the last photos – our backyard is currently a dust bowl whilst we wait to have new lawn laid and he just cannot resist getting out there and playing in the dirt… it’s like i’ve got enough washing to do or anything.
we love you!
ps. aren’t the matching headbands amaze-balls xx
how to adequately follow-up from my last post? the truth is, i can’t; nothing will ever be worthy. but at some point i need to climb back in that proverbial horse and keep on writing, and what better place to start than thatcher’s favourite outing – the perth zoo.
every time we visit the zoo there is something new to see and some new close encounter to be had. after our usual trek through the ‘African savannah’ to visit the rhinos, lions, zebras and meerkats, thatcher decided he wanted to see the birds and what a good decision it was. i think the birds were even more even more besotted with thatcher than he was with them. more than one bird came right down to thatchy’s eye level and every time we tried to leave the enclosure they would screech until thatchy came back. it was a little intense at first, but quite an experience.
and just when we thought our visit couldn’t get any better, we stumbled across the gorgeous old perth zoo carousel hiding amongst the trees by the cafe. for just $5 thatcher had a delightfully charming ride on a beautiful old horse. I didn’t even know there was one of these carousels in perth and I had just as much fun watching him ’round and ’round as he did. joy!
ps. sorry for all the photos, it was just too beautiful of a day…
today was by far the hardest day of my life so far. today was the day I buried my beautiful mother.
for nine months she battled and fought against an insidious disease which slowly poisoned her blood and destroyed her body. it must have broken her heart these past six weeks to sit by and watch her sweet baby granddaughters come into the world and to not be able to be the hands on grandmother she wanted to be. when thatcher was born, she was right there with me the whole time. when I came home from hospital, there she was looking after us and cuddling him every minute of every day. and i know that that is what she wanted to do for izzy and marlow, but she just couldn’t; her body failed her and she hated it.
mum lived for her family. we were the centre of her universe and she was there for us whenever we needed her, no matter the time of day (or night) or the size of the problem at hand. for this, you were and will always be loved by many. i promise that you will always be a strong presence in the lives of my children and I just hope that I can be as good of a mother as you were.
as hard as today was for all of us i know that you left us in the best way you possibly could have – quickly, quietly and peacefully in bed next to the love of your life. you left the world with the same dignity and grace with which you lived your life and for that i am grateful.
your passing shocked me and i made rod repeat himself three times before i would let myself believe that you were actually gone; i mean, i’d only seen you the night before! i will always treasure that last night i spent with you and especially the way thatcher took himself up to see you in bed before we left to give you a kiss and gently wish you ‘night night Nanni’ and then the way as he left your room he turned back towards the door and said ‘i love you Nanni. i love you Nanni.’ (one of these days I will actually be able to get through that story without bursting into tears).
you were a very very special woman and will be missed by many.
so mum, in your honour, after complaining that you made us the same chocolate cake in our school lunches everyday for twelve years, when it came to catering for today there was only one thing all four of us kids wanted – your boiled chocolate cake. mine definitely wasn’t as good as yours and I don’t think it ever will be, but with at least twelve years of practice ahead of me, making it for thatch and marlow’s school lunches, hopefully one day i’ll get close.
i love you mummy. i pray that now you are no longer burdened by your body and are free to do everything you want to. and don’t worry, we will look after dad for you. xx
let’s not lie, the last four weeks have not been easy. i have thoroughly questioned my decision to have a second child on numerous occasions especially when thatcher has tried to crawl on my head as i fed marlow, or when i spent another long night being hit and kicked by him as he wriggled around in our bed (he has refused to sleep through the night since marlow arrived), or when he (yet again) put on his sensitive-sammy pants and burst into tears because i dared to tell him ‘no’. likewise, there have been moments that have had me seriously doubting my ability to adequately parent these little humans; like when i saw thatcher reach into marlow’s bassinet, hit her and tell her to ‘wake up and play’ with him or when he made her cry and then proceeded to cover her with a tea towel and tell me she was hiding in an effort to stop me finding out what he had done.
but in amongst those moments of insanity – and the never ending cycle of washing and folding and ironing and washing and … – i get to witness some amazing moments that simply make my heart melt. although he is not always as gentle as he should be with her, every time thatcher leans over to give marlow a kiss or a cuddle or hold her hand i am so glad that rod and i decided to ride this crazy roller coaster all over again. and when yesterday marlow started crying in the car and thatch reached his little hand out, took hold of her hand and said to her ‘it’s alright baby girl’ i knew we must be doing something right. in those long witching hours, when everyone is tired and cranky and screaming, I try to remind myself of those tender little moments because it is them that make this whole parenthood thing worth it.
now while i wait for my kids to do something sweet and melt my heart again, i’m off to do some washing…
well things certainly have changed lately and things certainly are busy. so, whilst I drag myself out of my new-mother-of-two fog and slowly get back on top of things, here are some recent photos of the little life of our little family.
happy second birthday my darling boy. you bring fun and joy to my life everyday. i am so proud of you and i love that i get to call myself your mother.
never wipe that beautiful smile of your face. never stop laughing, dancing, singing and loving life. i love you and i can’t believe it has been two whole years already.
all my love